


The Meme (Dream) SMP

by Kikyo2022



Category: DreamSMP -Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: All Romantic Relationships In This Are For The Meme, Attempt at Humor, But It's All For The Meme So It's Fiiiiiine, Butcher Army, Crack, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Humor, I Lied There's A Bit Of Shipping, Incorrect Quotes, Memes, No Plot/Plotless, Random & Short, Sleepy Bois Inc as Family, Techno Somehow Made His Way Into Almost All The Shorts I Have Planned For This, They're All Just Friends Having A Good Time Vibing, Yes This Has Been Done Before- But IDC I'm Having A Swell Time, i did this instead of homework, what a champ
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 00:01:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29659329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kikyo2022/pseuds/Kikyo2022
Summary: I got bored lmao, what can you do?This is basically a compilation of incorrect quotes, memes, and crack I've turned into shorts. Enjoy I guess.
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10





	1. "People Say Nothing Is Impossible, But I Do Nothing Everyday"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :')

Quackity ran a hand over his face with a tired sigh. "Looks like we're on Plan B."

Tubbo blinked, looking up as his superior from the crumpled papers in his hands.

"Technically, this would be Plan G."

Fundy moved to peek over the child's shoulder. "How many plans do we have? Is there like, a Plan M?"

Quackity dropped his hand. "Yeah, but The Butcher Army dies in Plan M."

"I like plan M." A monotone voice drawled from behind him and the sharp 'shing' of a sword coming unsheathed sounded through the room.

The trio screamed as the pink haired man descended on them.

* * *

Phil emerged from the kitchen, eyeing his son as he passed him to sit in his chair. "I made tea."

Wilbur didn't look up from where he was tuning his guitar. "I don't want tea."

The older man sunk into the plush furniture. "I didn't make you tea. This is my tea."

The musician stopped fiddling with the instrument as he blinked at the other, confused. "Then why did you tell me?"

Phil shrugged, crossing his legs. "It's a conversation starter."

Wilbur let out a snort. "Well, it's a horrible conversation starter."

The blonde raised an eyebrow. "Oh is it? We're conversing." He took a sip of his tea. "Checkmate."

* * *

Techno laid sprawled out on his couch, eyes glued to the ceiling as he spoke. "I'm not doing too well."

Phil looked up from his notepad, giving the pink-haired man a vague gesture to keep talking as he scribbled away.

The piglin let out a sigh, rubbing a hand against his temple. "I have this constant headache that comes and goes."

The pair jumped as the door was kicked in and a blonde child sauntered in.

The teen made a beeline for Techno's chests, digging through and pulling out random items before settling on the golden apples.

Tommy made eye contact with the larger man as he bit into the fruit before nudging open the trap door in the corner and sliding down the ladder, dropping things along the way.

Phil looked on with wide eyes as Techno just blinked.

"Oh look. There it goes again."

* * *

Quackity peeked over the block, peering down the hill at the pinkette walking beneath them.

His eyes widened as Technoblade stopped in his tracks, pulling out a knife. "Oh no."

The trio tensed as The Blade reached into his pocket, setting a box on the table and using the knife to open it.

Tubbo's shoulders relaxed at the seemingly normal action. "Oh, okay."

They continued to watch as the piglin reached into the box, retrieving a gun from inside. The group tensed up again.

Fundy's ears pinned back as a creepy grin spread across the PVP god's face. "Oh no."

* * *

Technoblade walked into the kitchen, green blob close on his heels as the two continued to bicker. 

"I'm just saying, next time I'm gonna get you." The masked man stated, pointing a finger into the pinkette's chest.

Techno's focus was on the coffee pot, pouring himself a mug as he talked. "I'm just sayin', I beat you twice."

Dream's hands squeezed into fists, teeth clenching at the other man's insolence. "The first time was a tie-"

The piglin finally turned to him, raising a brow as he took a sip of his beverage. "And the second time?"

Dream paused, silence overtaking the room as he tried and failed to come up with an excuse. 

"...There were no witnesses the second time." Techno let out a snort before promptly choking on the coffee. 

The masked man only grinned, hands shoving themselves in his pockets as he watched the piglin suffer in glee, prior anger forgotten.

* * *

Fundy looked at the wall as he mused. "I'm gay."

The noir-haired man pushed his beanie up to better eye the man from his spot on the couch. 

"Water's wet. Dream's talented. Schlatt is hot." He put a finger up with each statement before dropping the hand again.

The orange-haired man turned to look at Quackity. "What?"

The Mexican stared at him blankly. "Sorry, thought we were listing things that were obvious."

Schlatt blinked up at the ceiling from his place on the floor. "Did you say I'm hot?"

* * *

"Alright, so you and I are married-"

Bad crossed his arms at the blue man in front of him. "We are not married."

Skeppy let out a laugh, slightly wheezing as he tugged the older man forward. "Relax, it's just pretend!"

The demon narrowed his eyes. "Well, maybe I don't wanna pretend."

The diamond-colored man's mouth twisted up into a smirk, eyes hooding as he leaned into the other. "Scared you'll like it?"

Bad just blinked. "Okay, if we're married, I want a divorce."

Tubbo looked on, face scrunching up in confusion as his gaze flickered between the pair. "Are you two like this all the time?"

Quackity smacked his face with his hand. "Yes, they are."

* * *

Tommy looked on scared and confused as his older brother scrabbled at the wall, the brunette muttering to himself as he scribbled words into the stone with chalk. 

Philza stepped behind him, hands coming to rest on the blonde teen's shoulders as they both stared at Wilbur's manic breakdown.

"Don't worry Toms, your brother is just at that age when a boy has only one thing on his mind."

The teen pulled his gaze away from the now laughing lunatic to meet his father's eyes. "...Women?"

Phil shook his head slightly, a soft smile adorning his face as he gazed at his raving son.

"Mass genocide."

* * *

Schlatt blinked at the chaos he had just walked in on, beer bottle froze halfway to his mouth as he paused in the doorway.

Ranboo stood with unshed tears in his eyes, claws gripping onto a leather-bound book tightly as he screamed at the shorter boy in front of him.

"YOU READ MY JOURNAL?!"

Tommy raised his hands placatingly, at least having the decency to look ashamed as he babbled on, trying to calm the distressed hybrid.

"Hey man, at first, I didn't know it was yours."

Ranboo's tail lashed back and forth angrily as he glared at the blonde child. 

"I thought it was a very sad, handwritten book."

The hybrid burst into tears, yelping a bit as the water stung his cheeks while Tommy stood by awkwardly, lightly patting the taller boy on the back.

Schlatt looked between the two teens before shaking his head, raising the bottle to his lips, and chugging as he noped down the hall.

He was not drunk enough to deal with this shit today.

* * *

Sapnap glanced over as Georges's phone rang, catching a glimpse of the caller ID before the device was snatched up. He paused his game, raising a brow at the name.

"You still call your dad 'Daddy'?" He took a sip from the can of Redbull, eying the other weirdly. 

George held up the phone, making direct eye contact with the Texan as he answered the call. "Hey Dream."

Sapnap choked on his drink, doubling over and smacking his fist against his chest as he coughed.

Geroge just gave the younger a shit-eating grin, flipping him off as he marched out of the room, chatting away with the man on the line. 


	2. "Cinderella Is Proof That A New Pair Of Shoes Can Change Your Life"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> =)

Tubbo walked down the path, patting the head of a bee as it passed before he noticed his friend Tommy sitting on the ground, back turned to him.

The short brunette ran up to the other, smile wide on his face as he snuck up behind him and slapped his hands over the blonde's eyes. 

"Guess who!"

Tommy let out a small sigh, hand coming up to touch the ones over his face. "It's either the cold, clammy hands of death or Tubbo"

The shorter let out a small giggle, pulling his hands away and moving into the other's view with a bounce. "It's Tubbo!"

The blonde looked over at him with dull eyes, letting out a quiet sigh. "Dammit."

Tubbo's grin went lopsided, slightly confused at the teen's reaction as Tommy flopped over in the dirt.

* * *

George looked at the empty box on the counter before flicking his gaze to the duck hybrid across the table. 

Quackity stared back, eyes wide and daring as he leaned against the counter with puffed-up cheeks.

"Quackity, did you eat my powdered donuts?" 

The hybrid blinked, chewing viscously before replying, crumbs spilling out. "no..."

The brit gave him a look. Ignoring the obvious food in the other's mouth, he pointed to a smudge of sugar that had ended up on the man's pants.

"Then what's that white powder on your jeans."

Quackity looked confused for a moment as he swallowed the mouthful and glanced down. 

Upon noticing the stain his head snapped up to stare the shorter in the eye, face fallen into the most serious look he could muster. 

"That's cocaine."

George sputtered as the hybrid ran from the room, shoving another donut in his mouth from god knows where as he bolted. 

* * *

Tommy left the house that morning to a newly formed shack on his brother's front lawn. The teen paused for a moment, foot halfway out the door as he peered over at the structure. 

After a moment, deciding he had nothing better to do, he went to go check it out. Loud bickering could be heard from within as he sauntered over to the colorful build.

The blonde looked up at the misspelled sign labeling it as 'Aple-Beez' with a snort before tapping on the wooden counter. The bickering ceased and the teen jumped as the door swung open with a bang.

Wilbur stood with a delighted grin on his face, planting his hands on the counter. "Hi! Welcome to Applebees, would you like apples or bees?"

Tommy looked at his brother confused. "B-bees?"

The brunette's grin stretched, nodding his head as if something important had just happened between them before turning to face the hut.

"HE HAS SELECTED THE BEES."

The blonde's confusion only increased. "W-wait-"

The door swung open again, Tubbo strolling out with a jar of bees held firmly in his grasp. Tommy blanched.

"WAIT-"

* * *

The pinkette glared down and met the challenging and slightly hazed eyes of the other man. "I could kill you ya know"

Schlatt barely blinked. "Yeah? So could another human being."

Dream paused in his sharpening, axe lowering and mask tilted to the side as he turned to look at the drunk.

The ram was egged on by Techno's silence. "So could a dog."

Wilbur glanced out the window towards the small hut that the community had built to host the server's pets, mostly consisting of the piglin's wolf army.

Schlatt continued. "So could a dedicated duck."

Quackity peeked up from the magazine he'd been reading, eyebrow raised but otherwise staying silent.

The alcoholic took another swig of his beer, wiping his mouth before giving the larger man a sneer. 

"You aren't special Techno."

With that, he turned and strode out of the room, only slightly stumbling as he left the anarchist to stare after him with disbelief.

* * *

Quackity stood on the porch, arms folded over the railing as he watched the sun slowly sink below the horizon. 

The door shut behind him with a click as another presence appeared at his side. His wings fluffed up slightly and he moved his head to look.

George stood beside him, leaning on the rail and scrolling through his phone. The duck hybrid studied the other for a moment and suddenly noticed the height difference between them as the man's head was level with his shoulder. 

Quackity eyed the brit, trying to gauge his height just from sight alone, but gave up quickly and refocused on the sunset. The question itched at the back of his mind though, and it didn't take long before he ended up blurting it out.

"How tall are you?"

George didn't look up from his phone, tapping the screen casually as he responded.

"Height is a social construct."

Quackity let out a hum, returning his attention to the darkening sky. "So, you’re short."

The brit sputtered, phone forgotten as he shoved the other harshly. A small smile pulled at his lips as the duck resolutely kept his eyes forward.

He decided he should watch the sunset more often as the boy next to him yammered on about how absurdly tall everyone was and the sky painted itself pink and orange. 

* * *

Wilbur looked around in a panic, heart pumping loudly in his chest as he searched every crevice he could think of where his son might have run off to.

How could he have lost Fundy that quickly? The little shit was fast, he'd give him that. 

The musician wandered around the town, eventually coming to the square. He stopped the first person he saw.

"Have you seen my son?" The man looked at him questioningly.

"He's about this tall," Wilbur raised a hand to indicate the fox's height. "Orange hair, brown eyes."

He dropped the hand, looking off to the side. "Clearly gay, but we haven’t had the talk yet."

The stranger nodded, pointing him in the opposite direction and the brunette caught a glimpse of orange fur as the silhouette disappeared around the corner.

Wilbur quickly thanked the man, fumbling over his words as he chased after the hybrid.

"FUNDY!"

The hybrid only ran faster.

* * *

Quackity clapped his hands together, looking out over the meeting room and the two other people inside.

"Alright, let's go over the plan one more time. If one of us dies, what will we do?"

Tubbo raised his hand, waving it enthusiastically. The duck motioned for him to speak and the brunette quickly stood at attention.

"Locate the corpse and move the body so it looks like they’re dabbing sir!" The boy gave a mock salute. 

Fundy nodded along sagely and the bird hybrid grinned.

"Exactly. I think we’re ready."

* * *

"I am the most responsible person of our group!"

Ranboo blinked, looking behind the teen towards the burning room.

"Tubbo, you just set the kitchen on fire."

The brunette nodded. "Yes, and I take full responsibility for that!"

Tommy laughed, slapping his friend on the back as Drista wheezed beside them. 

The half enderman hybrid looked on dumbfounded as the blaze continued to spread, moving outwards from the small room. 

Purpled made some off-handed comment about how Tommy's room was going to burn if the fire managed to get upstairs and the blonde began to shriek.

"HELP ME PUT IT OUT!"

* * *

Dream leaned against the wall, watching silently as his friend furiously brewed potions. The sound of soft clinks and bubbling liquid filled the room. 

There was never a silent moment as the battle-worn man mixed and matched ingredients, removing and replacing the bottles as soon as they were done before tossing them in a chest haphazardly. 

The flurry of motion, while entertaining, seemed to be wearing Techno out as he kept making small mistakes here and there.

Dream waited until the pinkette moved to a finished batch before blurting out the first thing he could think of to distract him.

"So, I heard that you became the leader of the rebellion, what it is like working with them?"

Techno paused, removing a used nether wart and holding it thoughtfully. He took a moment to choose his words before slowly replying.

"Imagine working with completely civilized, responsible, and mature people."

The blonde's head tilted, not quite sure where this was going. "Okay-"

The piglin tossed the crumpled plant through a nearby window, staring after it for a moment before turning to the other.

"Now throw that idea out of the window."

There was a moment of silence before harsh wheezing filled the room. 

The pinkette smiled as the other doubled over and he went back to his work, slowing down considerably this time to just chat and enjoy the company. 

Best to enjoy the good days while they were there.

* * *

Phil stared out across his living room, eyes catching on shattered glass and ripped throw pillows, before settling on the two teenage boys in the center of it all.

"I hope you two have an explanation for this."

The two boys glanced at each other, the younger covered head to toe in glued on pillow feathers, and the other drenched in some pinkish substance from whatever had been in the bottles. 

Whatever silent conversation the pair had been conducting came to an end as Tommy stepped forward. 

"...We have three actually," The blonde spoke up first.

Tubbo nodded confidently, reaching out under the rubble to pull out a paper hastily scribbled on in multiple handwritings. 

The brunette grinned. "Pick your favorite."

Phil facepalmed when he saw the first line.

'Ways to attract a WOMAN'


End file.
